Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I am a quitter!

I am not so good at posting, am I? I have lots of great ideas for posts, but they don't stick around long enough to be transformed into the eloquent prose I hope for. I actually do have a decent post written down in my handy dandy notebook, but forget to have it with me when I have the opportunity to get it on here.

I did have another resignation moment. I am positive I shouted my absconding of the throne loud enough for all the neighbors to hear, through tears and gagging. I did this as I had to remove a very large, very ugly, dead, headless- thanks to the stupid dog- snake from my front porch without any assistance from my husband who had the audacity to be at work. At my house, snake absolutely falls under his job description-dead or alive. I had actually ran across (ok-over) this particular snake the night before in the road as it was heading toward my house. It had already met with misfortune, so I left it there. However, our playful pup Roz found this a most enjoyable play toy. I was alerted to its presence on the front porch the next morning from the girls' squeals of disgust as they went to catch the bus. So, SuperMom that I am {snickering}, I assured them in my most calm, soothing Mommy voice, that I would handle the situation . As soon as they were out of sight and hearing range, I proceeded to gag and with tears in my eyes, immediately dialed the Captain to share my horror. Roz snatched up said snake and shook it at me, thinking I was in the mood to play. She must have misunderstood my jig of squemishishness and shrieks of abhorrence as interest. After much berating her using VERY un-Mommy like language, she finally put the damn thing down, giving me a moment to figure out how to dispose of the nastiness without actually using my hand or any other part of me. The whole time, the Captain is calmly and nicely with no discernable laughter, listening on the phone and telling me it will be ok and he understands my urge to kill the dog and my utter and complete hatred of snakes. Anyway, I managed to get the headless reptile scooped into an empty coffee can (I knew I was keeping those for a reason) using the pole from my Swiffer (knew I loved that thing for a reason). After only overshooting my aim once accompanied by more gagging and much loud screaming that I didn't want to be the adult anymore and that I hate {insert very bad word} snakes and hate {insert another bad word} dogs, I somehow managed to get the lid on the can and left it sitting where it was for dear Captain to dispose of. I then yelled at the dog some more while gagging and crying. This must have been too much stress for the pup as she promptly regurgitated the missing snake head at my feet. Then it was off to work I went. Still, no one took my resignation seriously. What's a girl gotta do to quit around here?